Keith and Tami Kiser were both virgins when they got married in 1987. They recently wrote "The Incredible Gift! The Truth About Love and Sex."

Virgins!

By Keith Kiser

Amazing as this may sound, Tami and I were both virgins when we got married. It wasn't easy -- let me tell you -- but we're glad we waited!

We started dating in the 9th grade and dated for 7 years before we were married. As our love and commitment grew, sexual temptations became a real struggle. We were both practicing Christians who wanted to please God. But, even though God said "No," our bodies were shouting "Yes!" And it seemed our bodies were screaming loudest!

Sexual Temptations!

Yes, hormones were racing! We wanted to wait -- but our flesh was saying "go for it." TV, movies and music made matters worse. Their messages encouraged "sex, sex and more sex." Our conviction to wait was weakening. Sexual impurity, leading up to intercourse, was destroying our relationship. Pain, sin, guilt, and confusion were breaking us apart.

On the brink of disaster, we made a commitment to save sex for marriage and to pray together regularly. We reinforced our decision by reading a book together about maintaining sexual purity in a dating relationship. Committed to chastity, we helped each other fight sexual temptations. It was hard at times, but we developed great discipline and respect for each other. A new openness and trust grew in our relationship and our love flourished and deepened more than we ever dreamed possible.

And as a result, now we can gratefully say that when we got married, we were both virgins. And as far as honeymoons go . . . let's just say it was worth the wait! We thank God that we won the battles and we're both happier, stronger and more in love because we waited.

Becoming ONE . . .
What's that like?

Tami and I share everything -- our worldly possessions, our thoughts, our dreams, our emotions, our fears, our pains, our prayers, our entire selves. Sharing our bodies is the physical expression of our total giving to each other. Sex is not only a sign of our love, but it also unites and bonds us like a human super-glue, giving us grace and strength to overcome adversity.

When a couple becomes "one flesh," its the most intimate "knowing" possible. Not only do you bare your body, but you also bare your emotions and your soul. This giving of your most private self, and the receiving of your spouse's most private self, are magnificent privileges. But if either partner can "walk away," the gift and privilege are misused and cheapened. Love means wanting the very best for a person forever. To have sex without the committed love of marriage hurts and usually destroys the entire relationship.

Sex also brings forth babies as a sign of the love between a husband and wife. Isn't it incredible that a spiritual and physical union of love can create new life? Imagine that -- two people so in love that their gift to each other creates a new child -- a new person -- a son or daughter like you and me with a soul that will live forever. (Pretty cool! Co-creators with God!)

And babies need strong families with loving mothers and fathers. That's the ideal situation and that's one reason God designed sex specifically for married couples. Sex is for bonding and babies, and before marriage, these both have painfully, grave consequences.

What if You are
Already Having Sex?

We realize that some of you may already be having sex. If so, you may be wondering why after you've given so much of yourself . . . does your relationship still seem to be floundering. Just because you’re having sex, it doesn’t mean you’re giving your "all" or receiving their "all." Even if two people say they love each other, they're not really giving their all if they haven't publicly vowed to commit their entire lives to each other, "until death do us part."

Only within the bonds of marriage will you experience the pure joy that wells up inside when you know that you've both committed to give everything to each other for life. Sex is awesome when there are no worries about true commitment or feelings of guilt or worries about diseases or pregnancy. Without these worries, there's true freedom to give your all and receive your spouse's all. It's truly a one of a kind loving union that is impossible to experience before marriage. Sex within marriage is an incredibly generous and tender expression of total giving that binds and cements two people together.

Outside of marriage, sexual intimacy lacks total commitment. This usually indicates that the relationship involves some degree of compromise, lack of self-control, selfishness or dishonest behavior. These conditions destroy relationships by becoming wedges and stumbling blocks to the development of mature love. Pre-marital sex guarantees you that sooner or later you'll have a painful communication breakdown.

To resuscitate your current relationship and to protect your future marriage, you need to stop all sexual activity immediately, including all foreplay. Give your love a fighting chance to deepen and flourish. It may seem impossible at first, but you can do it! You and your current flame (and your future spouse and future children) will be very grateful that today you made a commitment to save sex for marriage. If you’ve already made a commitment to save sex for marriage -- CONGRATULATIONS -- you'll be glad you waited!