1) JusttheFacts.org shows more photos of babies developing in the womb

When Does Human Life Begin?

Doctors Testify to U.S. Senate

Many internationally-known geneticists and biologists have testified that human life begins at conception. In 1981 (April 23-24) a Senate Judiciary Subcommittee held hearings on the very question: When does human life begin? Following are testimonies from two of the doctors who testified:

1. Dr. Hymie Gordon, Chairman of the Department of Genetics at the Mayo Clinic, said: "By all the criteria of modern molecular biology, life is present from the moment of conception."

2. Dr. McCarthy de Mere, a medical doctor and law professor at the University of Tennessee, testified: "The exact moment of the beginning of personhood and of the human body is at the moment of conception."

"The Father of Modern Genetics" Testifies

Dr. Jerome Lejeune, known as "The Father of Modern Genetics," also testified that human life begins at conception before the Louisiana Legislature's House Committee on the Administration of Criminal Justice on June 7, 1990.

Dr. Lejeune explained that within three to seven days after fertilization we can determine if the new human being is a boy or a girl. "At no time," Dr. Lejeune said, "is the human being a blob of protoplasm. As far as your nature is concerned, I see no difference between the early person that you were at conception and the late person which you are now. You were, and are, a human being."

Dr. Lejeune also pointed out that each human being is unique -- different from the mother -- from the moment of conception. He said, "Recent discoveries by Dr. Alec Jeffreys of England demonstrate that this information [on the DNA molecule] is stored by a system of bar codes not unlike those found on products at the supermarket...it's not any longer a theory that each of us is unique."

Dr. Jerome Lejeune died on April 3, 1994. Dr. Lejeune of Paris, France was a medical doctor, a Doctor of Science and a professor of Fundamental Genetics for over twenty years. Dr. Lejeune discovered the genetic cause of Down Syndrome, receiving the Kennedy Prize for the discovery and, in addition, received the Memorial Allen Award Medal, the world's highest award for work in the field of Genetics. 

He practiced his profession at the Hôpital des Enfants Malades (Sick Children's Hospital) in Paris. Dr. Lejeune was a member of the American Academy of the Arts and Science, a member of the Royal Society of Medicine in London, The Royal Society of Science in Stockholm, the Science Academy in Italy and Argentina, The Pontifical Academy of Science and The Academy of Medicine in France.

Doctor handed live baby at 8 weeks gestation...

Consider Dr. Rockwell's testimony:

Statement by Paul E. Rockwell, M.D.:

"Eleven years ago while giving an anesthetic for a ruptured ectopic pregnancy (at 8 weeks gestation), I was handed what I believe was the smallest living human ever seen. The embryonic sac was intact and transparent. Within the sac was a tiny human male swimming extremely vigorously in the amniotic fluid, while attached to the wall by the umbilical cord. This tiny human was perfectly developed, with long, tapering fingers, feet and toes. It was almost transparent, as regards the skin, and the delicate arteries and veins were prominent to the ends of the fingers."

Dr. Rockwell continues, "The baby was extremely alive and swam about the sac approximately one time per second, with a natural swimmer's stroke. This tiny human did not look at all like the photos and drawings and models of 'embryos' which I had seen, nor did it look like a few embryos I have been able to observe since then, obviously because this one was alive! When the sac was opened, the tiny human immediately lost his life and took on the appearance of what is accepted as the appearance of an embryo at this stage of life (with blunt extremities etc.)."

The statement by Paul E. Rockwell, M.D., an anesthesiologist, was quoted by Dr. and Mrs. J.C. Willke in their Handbook on Abortion.  Dr. Rockwell did not testify before the U.S. Judiciary Subcommittee.

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Pam Stenzel speaks to 20,000 high school and college students each month about sex and sexually transmitted diseases. She has also produced a powerful video/DVD called:  "Sex Has A Price Tag."

Pam Shares Frightening Statistics with Students:

• Sexually active people are four times more likely to contract a sexually transmitted disease (STD) than to become pregnant.


• Three million teenagers contract STDs annually.

• 25 million Americans are infected with the herpes virus.

• More than 40 percent of sexually active singles are infected with human papillomavirus (HPV), commonly called genital warts.

• One in every 250 Americans has the AIDS virus.

• An estimated one in five Americans is infected with a viral STD, a figure that doesn't include bacterial diseases like chlamydia, syphilis and gonorrhea.

You won't believe what I discovered during the nine years that I counseled girls who came into my pregnancy counseling offices in Chicago and Minneapolis. Most were worried sick about being pregnant. Very few were concerned about the venereal disease epidemic that is sweeping America.

Girls would come to my office and say: "Pam, if I had known this was going to happen to me, I would have made a different choice. But no one told me." I began to ask these girls: "What could we have told you? What could someone have shared with you, before you made your choice?" 

After all those years I realized there are a lot of students making decisions about sex who have no idea what the consequences of their decisions will be. I am writing this so that none of you will ever again be able to say to a physician, a counselor, or to your future husband or wife: "Nobody told me. I didn't know."

Girls Hope They're Off The Hook

Most teens who are having sex are afraid of getting pregnant. Girls come into my office for pregnancy testing, and when I tell a girl her test is negative, she gets a look of relief over her face, as though to say: "I'm off the hook. I'm not pregnant. Let me out of your office." 

Wait a minute! Have you been tested for syphilis, gonorrhea, herpes, chlamydia, trichinoma, vulvadema, urethritis, hepatitis B, HPV or HIV? You have a four times greater chance of contracting a sexually-transmitted disease than you do of becoming pregnant.

For nine years I've also had to tell hundreds of girls their tests were positive -- "You're pregnant." Immediately they want an easy, painless way out. I have to look at them and say: "Sorry. Your choices at this point are bad, terrible, and worse. You had a good choice before you chose to have sex. Now all of your choices are going to carry painful lifelong consequences."

 There is no easy way out of pregnancy. Abortion is painful, destructive, and devastating. More than 80 percent of the women in our country who've had an abortion say that if they could go back, they would have chosen something different. 

Abortion isn't like going to the dentist and having a tooth pulled. I have counseled with hundreds of women -- five, ten, fifteen years after they had an abortion, who are still hurting physically, psychologically, and above all, spiritually. I've counseled teenagers with anorexia, bulimia, and depression -- including many who have attempted suicide because they had an abortion.

Parenting a child isn't an easy choice either. Eight out of ten single teenage girls who choose to parent their children will live below the poverty level for at least ten years. Most stay there the rest of their lives. Nine out of ten will never attend college. 

These are girls who had goals, plans, things they might have liked to do with their lives after high school that they didn't get the chance to do because of their rash choice to have sex.

Guys are also facing very serious consequences for having sex outside of marriage. Lawmakers are now holding young men in this country responsible for having sex and getting a girl pregnant. The fact is, guys, it can cost you tens of thousands of dollars over the next eighteen years. The state you live in has the legal right to take away a sizeable portion of your pay from your job to support the child you fathered. If you're not yet working, you'll go into debt.

A young man I know who got a girl pregnant in Minnesota is being required by the State to pay $350 a month to support his little girl. That's based on his current income working at Burger King. 

"I made a decision one night after drinking," he said, "that I never would have made if I had been sober. And I will pay for that decision for the rest of my life." This is a very serious responsibility, young men. You need to think about that before you have sex, because after having sex, it's too late.

Today, in the next 24 hours, 12,000 teenagers will contract a sexually transmitted disease (STD). And that's just teenagers. 

Looking at the entire population, there are about 50,000 people each day in our country who contract a sexually transmitted disease. Yesterday, 12,000 of them were teenagers who got up in the morning like some of you reading this, and said: "It's not going to happen to me. That happens in big cities, but not where I live." Wrong!

In the 1950s there were only five sexually transmitted diseases that were known and treated. Today there are more than fifty types of STDs. Chlamydia is the number one STD among teens today. There are about 4,000 teenagers every day who contract chlamydia. This is a bacteria, not a virus.

Unlike some venereal diseases, it can be cured. But more than 80 percent of the students who contract this disease do not realize they have it. If you contract chlamydia once in your life, you have a 25 percent chance of being sterile the rest of you life. If you get this disease more than once, the chances are much greater that you will never be able to have children.

At first, abstinence may sound negative, but it's a very positive choice that brings you freedom and peace of mind. 

Here's a good example . . . Five senior guys at a high school in Orlando, Florida, bought full-page ad in their yearbook. They put pictures of themselves with their prom dates in the ad. The headline reads: "True Love Waits" and goes on to say, "we are making a statement to our fellow classmates that we will never abuse women, use them for sport and dump them. We are choosing to save sex for our wives."

Sex is not a game. But if you treat it like a game, it can have very harmful, long-term consequences.  Sex was meant to be more than just a biological act. God meant sex to be a one-flesh experience -- the bonding of two people physically, emotionally, and spiritually for life. 

When you abuse sex it doesn't just damage your body, it damages you, and it damages your partner.

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Is "SAFE SEX" really safe?

What about the emotional and psychological dangers? 

A book by Thomas Lickona, Ph.D.

Co-authored by Judith Lickona and William J. Boudreau, M.D.

 Premarital Sex: 10 areas to consider...

1) Worries about Pregnancy, AIDS and other Venereal Diseases,

2) Regretting Bad Decisions for years

3) Feelings of Guilt

4) Loss of Self-Respect,

5) Corrupting of Your Character,

6) Shaken Trust and Fear of Future Commitment,

7) Rage over Betrayal,

8) Depression and Suicide,

9) Poisoned Relationships, and

10) Stunted Personal Development.

If you're struggling with any of these worrisome stresses, you know how painful they can be...

There is no condom for the heart...

Much is said about worries of getting pregnant and the dangers of venereal diseases -- but far less is said about the emotional hazards and the broken hearts. That's a problem. The destructive psychological consequences of temporary sexual relationships are VERY REAL. Being aware of them can help you make decisions you won't regret.

That's not to say we should downplay the physical dangers of uncommitted sex. 

Pregnancy is a life-changing event.

Sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) - and there are now more than 50 STDs (according to the CDC) - can rob you of your health and even your life.

Condoms don't remove these dangers. 

Studies have shown condoms to have an annual failure rate of 10 percent to 36 percent in preventing pregnancy because of human error in using them and because they sometimes leak, break, or slip off. So how safe can condoms be when it comes to AIDS?

Important Note: Condoms do little or nothing to protect against the two STDs infecting at least one-third (1/3) of sexually active teenage girls. The two venereal diseases are:

1) Human Papilloma Virus (HPV is the leading cause of cervical cancer and it kills about 7,000 women each year), and

2) Chlamydia (the leading cause of infertility)

Both of these venereal diseases can be transmitted by skin-to-skin contact in the entire genital area, only a small part of which is covered by the condom. Are you warned about this when condoms are promoted as tools for "safe sex" by teachers or in TV ads?

And what about broken hearts? The relative silence in America about the emotional elements of sex is ironic. It's the emotional dimension of sex that makes it distinctively human.

What in fact are the painful emotional or psychological consequences of premature, uncommitted sex? Personal testimonies tell us the consequences are devastating. The consequences can vary from person to person. Sometimes, emotional consequences may be short-term, but still serious. Others can last a very long time and cause marital and parenting problems.

For some, the emotional and psychological consequences of pre-marital sex was hard to foresee.  

Many people experience painful breakups and long-lasting -- sometimes life-long -- heartaches . . .

For many sexually active young people, the fear of becoming pregnant or getting AIDS is a major emotional stress.

Russell Henke, health education coordinator in Montgomery County, Maryland says,

"I see kids going to the nurse's office in schools, crying a day after their first sexual experience, and wanting to be tested for AIDS. They have done it, and now they are terrified. For some of them, that's enough. They say, "I don't want to have to go through that experience anymore."

A high school girl told a nurse:

"I see some of my friends buying home pregnancy tests, and they are so worried and so distracted every month, afraid that they might be pregnant. It's a relief to me to be a virgin."

Girls, especially, need to know in advance the sharp regret that so many young women feel after becoming sexually involved.

Says one high school girl:

"I get upset when I see my friends losing their virginity to some guy they've just met. Later, after the guy's dumped them, they come to me and say, "I wish I hadn't done it." A ninth-grade girl who slept with eight boys in junior high says, "I'm young, but I feel old."

Girls are more vulnerable than boys because girls are more likely to think of sex as a way to "show you care." They're more likely to see sex as a sign of commitment in the relationship.

If a girl expects a sexual interlude to be loving, she may very well feel cheated and used when the boy doesn't show a greater romantic interest after the event. As one 15-year-old girl describes her experience: "I didn't expect the guy to marry me, but I never expected him to avoid me in school."

Bob Bartlett, who teaches a freshman sexuality class in a Richfield, Minn., high school, shares the following story of regret on the part of one of his students whom we'll call "Sandy" . . .

Sandy, a bright and pretty girl, asked to see Mr. Bartlett during her lunch period. She explained that she had never had a boyfriend, so she was excited when a senior asked her out.

After they dated for several weeks, the boy asked her to have sex with him.

She was reluctant; he was persistent. She was afraid of appearing immature and losing him, so she consented.

"Did it work?" Mr. Bartlett asked gently. "Did you keep him?"

Sandy replied: "For another week. We had sex again, and then he dropped me. He said I wasn't good enough. There was no spark.

"I know what you're going to say. I take your class. I know now that he didn't really love me. I feel so stupid, so cheap."

Sandy hoped, naively, that sex would have helped her keep the guy.

Here is another high school girl, writing to an advice column about a different kind of regret. She wishes she could lose the guy she's involved with, but she feels trapped by their sexual relationship:

"I am 16, a junior in high school, and like nearly all the other girls here, I have already lost my virginity. Although most people consider this subject very personal, I feel the need to share this part of my life with girls who are trying to decide whether to have sex for the first time.

Sex does not live up to the glowing reports and hype you see in the movies. It's no big deal. In fact, it's pretty disappointing.

I truly regret that my first time was with a guy that I didn't care that much about. I am still going out with him, which is getting to be a problem. I'd like to end this relationship and date others, but after being so intimate, it's awfully tough.

Since that first night, he expects sex on every date, like we are married or something. When I don't feel like it, we end up in an arguement. It's like I owe it to him. I don't think this guy is in love with me, at least he's never said so. I know deep down that I am not in love with him either, and this makes me feel sort of cheap.

I realize now that this is a very big step in a girl's life. After you've done it, things are never the same. It changes everything.

My advice is, don't be in such a rush. It's a headache and a worry. (Could I be pregnant?) Sex is not for entertainment. It should be a commitment. Be smart and save yourself for someone you wouldn't mind spending the rest of your life with."

Regret over uncommitted sexual relationships can last for years. I recently received a letter from a 33-year-old woman, now a psychiatrist, who is very much concerned about the sexual pressures and temptations facing young people today. She wanted to share the lessons she had learned about sex the hard way. After high school, she says, she spent a year abroad as an exchange student:

"I was a virgin when I left, but I felt I was protected. I had gotten an IUD so I could make my own decisions if and when I wanted. I had steeled myself against commitment. I was never going to marry or have children; I was going to have a career. During that year abroad, from 17 1/2 to 18 1/2, I was very promiscuous.

But the fact is, it caused me to be separated from myself. The longest-standing and deepest wound I gave myself was heartfelt. That sick, used feeling of having given a precious part of myself - my soul - to so many and for nothing, still aches. I never imagined I'd pay so dearly and for so long."

This woman still carries the emotional scars of those early sexual experiences. She wants young people to know that "sex without commitment is very risky for the heart."

Guilt is a special form of regret - a strong sense of having done something morally wrong. Guilt is a normal and healthy moral response, a sign that one's conscience is working.

In his book for teenagers, Love, Dating, and Sex, George Eager tells the story of a well-known speaker who was addressing a high school assembly. The speaker was asked, "What do you most regret about your high school days?" He answered,

"The thing I most regret about high school is the time I single-handedly destroyed a girl."

Eager offers this advice to young men: "When the breakup comes, it's usually a lot tougher on the girls than it is on the guys. It's not something you want on your conscience - that you caused a girl to have deep emotional problems."

One 16-year-old boy says he stopped having sex with girls when he saw and felt guilty about the pain he was causing: "You see them crying and confused. They say they love you, but you don't love them."

Even in an age of sexual liberation, a lot of people who are having sex nevertheless have a guilty conscience about it. The guilt may come, as in the case of the young man just quoted, from seeing the hurt you've caused other people.

The guilt may come from knowing that your parents would be upset if they knew you were having sex. Or it may stem from your religious convictions. Christianity, Judaism, and Islam, for example, all teach that sex is a gift from God reserved for marriage and that sexual relations outside marriage are morally wrong.

Sometimes guilt about their sexual past ends up crippling people when they become parents by keeping them from advising their own children not to become sexually involved. According to counselor Dr. Carson Daly: "Because these parents can't bear to be considered hypocrites, or to consider themselves hypocrites, they don't give their children the sexual guidance they very much need."

Many people suffer a loss of self-esteem when they find out they have a sexually transmitted disease. For example, according to the Austin, Texas-based Medical Institute for Sexual Health, more than 80 percent of people with herpes say they feel 'less confident" and "less desirable sexually."

But even if a person is fortunate enough to escape sexually transmitted disease, temporary sexual relationships can lower the self-respect of both the user and the used.

Sometimes casual sex lowers self-esteem, leading a person into further casual sex, which leads to further loss of self-esteem in an oppressive cycle from which it may be hard to break free. This pattern is described by a college senior, a young woman who works as a residence hall director:

"There are girls in our dorm who have had multiple pregnancies and multiple abortions. They tend to be filled with self-loathing. But because they have so little self-esteem, they will settle for any kind of attention from guys. So they keep going back to the same kind of destructive situations and relationships that got them into trouble in the first place."

On both sides of dehumanized sex, there is a loss of dignity and self-worth. One 20-year-old college male confides: "You feel pretty crummy when you get drunk at a party and have sex with some girl, and then the next morning you can't even remember who she was."

Another college student describes the loss of self-respect that followed his first sexual "conquest":

"I finally got a girl into bed - actually it was in a car - when I was 17. I thought it was the hottest thing there was, but then she started saying she loved me and getting clingy. I figured out that there had probably been a dozen guys before me who thought they had "conquered" her, but who were really just objects of her need for security. That realization took all the wind out of my sails. I couldn't respect someone who gave in as easily as she did.

"I was amazed to find that after four weeks of having sex as often as I wanted, I was tired of her. I didn't see any point in continuing the relationship. I finally dumped her, which made me feel even worse, because I could see that she was hurting. I felt pretty low."

People aren't things. When we treat them as if they were, we not only hurt them; we lose respect for ourselves.

Teens Talk 

About Regrets 

After Sex

Teen Quotes from...

"Boyfriends: Getting Them, Keeping Them, Living Without Them," 

A book by

Joyce L. Vedral, Ph.D.

Following are excerpts from her book. These are actual quotes from teenage girls and boys:

How do girls feel the day after the first time they have sex with their boyfriends?

For a girl, even in the nineties, the decision to have sex remains a big one. Once a girl makes that decision, she enters a new world - often, a very scary one. I asked girls to tell me honestly exactly how they felt the day after they first had sex with their boyfriends . . .

She said:

• I felt as if I was rushed into it - but I was in love. Yet I felt guilty.
  Cammy, 17

• I felt cheap because I thought about what I did and I realized I wasn't ready for it.
  Carla, 16

• I felt strange and, in a sense, used. It was like we were both caring for the same person - him. I felt left out of it.
  Elizabeth, 15

• I felt angry, I had promised myself I would wait until I was married, but I did it anyway. Now it was too late. I had lost my virginity.
  Alice, 15

• I knew I had made the biggest mistake of my life. I felt stupid. I said I would never do it again, and I didn't.
  Chandra, 14

• I felt as if I had done something wrong. But aside from that, I felt stupid - ridiculous. I certainly didn't get any thrill out of it. It was embarrassing to say the least.
  Eilene, 16

• I worried, is he going to leave me? Did he go with me just to get what he wanted?
  Anne, 19

• I had mixed feelings. In a way, I thought I did it out of love, but then I was afraid I would get pregnant.
  Kay, 16

• I felt like God wasn't going to forgive me. I asked myself again and again, "Why on earth did you do it?"
  Nancy, 17

Why do Guys often drop a Girl soon after having sex with her?

I asked guys if they had ever dropped a girlfriend shortly after having sex with her, and if so, why.

He said:

• You get bored. It's like a kid with a toy. When he first gets it, he spends all day with it. Then after he breaks it in, it's not fun anymore, so he finds another toy.
  Reggie, 16

• It's just like in the meat market. You just want to go out there and get some fresh meat.
  Jim, 19

• Sometimes that's the way love goes when sex comes into it. The sex is good, but only for that day. After that, you're finished.
  Lewis, 16

• After I have sex with a girl, I don't care if I see her anymore.
  Jed, 15

• After the first time we had sex, we stopped talking. She never called me and I never called her. I thought she was an easy catch because she gave me sex too quickly.
  Winston, 15

• At first I really liked her, but after I had sex with her, I saw she wasn't all I thought she was.
  Antonio, 17

• I fooled around with this girl after I knew her for only a few weeks, in the summer. I didn't feel a closeness to her so I just dropped her.
  John, 16

• After we had sex, she turned bitter and our relationship was poisoned.
  Ivan, 18

• I stopped seeing her because after that, she thought she owned me, and I couldn't endure it.
  Lyron, 18

• After I had sex with my girl of four months, she started acting strange - kind of stupid, so I dropped her.
  Sean, 16

• It always happens too fast. I never waited a long time for sex. Sometimes I wish a girl would say no and keep saying no. If we took it slow, we'd probably still be together.
  Dean, 17

Being dropped after having sex - Girls Tell All . . .

I asked girls whose boyfriends had dropped them shortly after sex with them to share their feelings with you.

She said:

• My boyfriend broke up with me three months after we had sex. I guess it was because there was no more suspense, nothing to think about, no more what-ifs. I felt horrible.
  Fran, 16

• I went out with a guy for a month and then had sex with him. After that he never called me again. I felt like a fool.
  Sunny, 16

• My boyfriend and I were alone in this place. We made love for the first time that day. It was really good. Three weeks later, he ended the relationship because he had another girl. I felt depressed about the fact that what we had that night didn't mean anything to him.
  Marva, 18

• My boyfriend and I had broken up, but he called and that night we made love for the first time. After that he said he "needed time to be alone." He was supposed to get back to me, but he never did. I felt used and betrayed. He had been my boyfriend for eleven months, and supposedly he loved me.
  Rochelle, 15

• Two days after I had sex with this guy he broke up with me. He said I was looking for a commitment and he wasn't. I wanted to kill him.
  Donna, 16

• A few days after I had sex with this guy he dropped me. I felt used.
  Connie, 16

• I went out with a guy for one week and had sex with him. After that, he wanted nothing to do with me. He dumped me. I guess he thought I was too [easy]. He didn't even think of me as a person. I was very disappointed because I thought sex was what he wanted from me - but it turned out not to be enough.
  Rosa, 17

• It was the second time I'd seen him since we met. The mood was there. He wanted to so I did it. But he didn't want to after that. I felt real easy and cheap, even though I'm really not. I just needed to be loved.
  Coco, 17

It's not always 

the Guy who drops 

the Girl!!

In some cases, it's not the guy who drops the girl but the girl who drops the guy soon after having sex. Why?

She said:

• I dropped him about a week after having sex because I despised him. He repulsed me because the sex was not based on love. He became a disgusting thought and sight. I didn't feel rejected but grossed out.
  Barb, 15

• After I had sex twice with him, it seemed he only wanted to hang out when no one would be home. After a while, we got in a fight because of his attitude and I broke up with him. I felt hurt and used but I still like him, and I would have gone back, but I realized what he wanted me back for, so I said "No." Too bad I had to learn the hard way.
  Beth, 16

• I dropped him because I felt that sex was the main factor in our relationship. There was no respect or communication.
  Dawn, 16

• I knew he didn't really care for me, so I dropped him before he dropped me.
  Jasmin, 15

How does sex change the relationship?

Girls' Point of View!

Even if sex does not end a relationship, it always changes it - but how? I asked girls to tell me what changes they had experienced after sleeping with their boyfriends.

She said:

• You have special ties - a bond. You've given yourself to him completely, shared your body with him, satisfied his needs. You think there will always be a commitment from him and are angry and hurt when you see there is none.
  Melissa,, 17
• The feelings you have for someone you had sex with are different from someone you didn't have sex with, because now that guy has a part of you that you will never get back.
  Frieda, 15
• You feel like you have an empty space in your stomach when he's gone and you feel closely connected with him, even if you don't love him.
  Simone, 16
• He told me he loved me and he would never leave me. When we broke up I was going to commit suicide. I thought no other guy would ever go with me.
  Shannon, 17
• Sex is not just a physical thing. It involves emotions - emotions that are hard to overcome once you break up. You feel as if he used you if you break up.
  Beth, 16
• If you break up with a guy you didn't have sex with, so what? You can walk away free. But if you break up with a guy you did have sex with, it stays on your mind. You worry over it in a haunting way.
  Jackie, 15

How does sex change a relationship?

Guys' Point of View

He said:

• The relationship immediately became more serious. We started acting more like parents towards each other. I found it harder to let her down when I wanted to break up.
  Nicky, 18
• She became attached to me and wanted to see me every night and got hurt and upset when I didn't want to, so we broke up. There were bad feelings on her part. I was glad to get out of it.
  Dwayne, 18
• The girl falls too deeply in love with you and you don't want to see her anymore.
  Carmine, 16
• Everything got very serious after sex. No more fun.
  Cory, 17
• She acted as if I should worship her just because she was having sex with me. I got disgusted with her.
  Lucien, 19
• We felt more committed to each other and we started to argue a lot more.
  Fred, 15
• After we had sex I thought I could do anything I wanted, and she would just be there for me, I was wrong.
  Lionel, 17
• Sex either makes a relationship grow stronger or die - but usually the relationship dies because you're not ready for that much of a commitment.
  Paul, 17

Once you've said yes, do you have to keep having sex?

What about saying no once you've lost your virginity? Does a girl have to keep having sex with future boyfriends once she's had sex in the past?

She said:

• Of course not. No one is going to hold a gun to your head and say "You have to do it with every boyfriend from now on." You have freedom of choice.
  Debra, 18
• No. There are some boys who think sex isn't everything. They feel there's more to life.
  Jennifer, 17
• No. Maybe the one you did it with was a mistake and now you've learned a lesson. Why make the same mistake twice?
  Randie, 16
• No. Not with all the diseases going around.
  Diane, 15
• No, but I do believe that once you've had sex, it makes it more tempting to do it the next time if the guy pressures you. But all you have to do is remember the end result and you'll be able to say a loud, clear NO.
  Ruth-Ann, 16
• You might feel guilty - like you gave it to one boy so why not give it to the next one? But there's no reason to feel that way. Your body is yours and nobody has any claims on it.
  Caprice, 16
• No. As a matter of fact, I think you can wait until you're married, and then you will feel like a virgin, even if you're not one.
  Dana, 16
• No, because if you do, you're going to end up winning a trophy for the biggest fool.
  Shannon, 17
• No. That's a bad rut to get stuck in. You should only have sex with a boyfriend you are both physically attracted to and deeply in love with Even then, it's like opening a can of worms. I wouldn't advise it.
  Simone, 16

Girls share more thoughts 

on pre-marital sex . . .

She said:

• Once you've lost your virginity, you can never get it back.
  Tara, 15
• Wait. If he says he likes you so much, yet he just wants to get his own way, no matter how you feel, that stinks. But it happens all the time.
  Andrea, 18
• It may be unrealistic, but if you have sex in relationships when you're not married you're taking the risk of having a very painful breakup because of the sexual ties.
  Martha, 16
• It sounds tacky, but I say wait until you're married. I know guys have more respect for virgins.
  Sally, 17
• Wait until you're married. Then when you have sex, it will mean something - that you're in love with your husband and want him to be the first.
  Raquel, 17
• There are a lot of guys who only want one thing, and after that, you're history.
  Jennifer, 17
• Guys are users and abusers. They just want to feed their pleasures and desires. They aren't concerned with your feelings at all.
  Shannon, 17
• Some boys say "If you love me, you'll have sex with me," and some girls believe that if they do it, they will keep him. But having sex with a guy doesn't make him stay, because when he's ready to take off, believe me, he'll take off anyway.
  Judy, 14
• If I had it to do over again, I would save my virginity until I was married.
  Valerie, 18

Guys' advice - to Girls - On when to start having sex . . .

He said:

• Wait until you're married. Young men today are looking for young women who have not been used, abused, and accused.
  Robert, 18
• I know girls won't listen to this unless they're dedicated, but I advise them to wait until they're married...
  Joey, 17
• Wait until you're married. Most guys out there are users and you'll end up getting hurt, having a bad reputation, and more than likely, in the long run, being alone. Don't do it to make your boyfriend happy.
  Hamilton, 18

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