"Sexy" Fashions . . . What Do Men Think?

by Mike Mathews

How do those "sexy" fashions really affect men? As a man, I'd like to explain.

Frequently I see women poured into tight jeans and short mini-skirts. Others wear revealing blouses, tight sweaters and sheer pants. Women are wearing "sexy" fashions just about everywhere - to work, school and even to church.

But do "sexy" clothes get women what they really want? Are these women striving to be honored, loved and respected by men?

Sometimes when I see women wearing "sexy" outfits, I wonder . . . Maybe she's looking for a boyfriend or hoping she'll attract her future husband? Or, maybe she feels she has to show off parts of her body to compete with other women for her boyfriend or husband's love and attention?

Maybe it's a power rush for some women to know their body caught a man's eye and became the focus of his attention. Maybe turning heads and hearing hoots and wistles is an ego booster for some?

It may be these reasons or others, but the bottom line is this: Dressing in "sexy" clothes will not cause men to honor and respect women. In fact, it actually guarantees women that men will dishonor and disrespect them.

What Triggers Sexual Thoughts in Men?

It's natural to want to dress attractively. But without always being aware of it, women who wear "sexy" clothes are "dressing for sex" -- that is, dressing in ways that set off sexual thoughts in men.

Why do men react this way, and why don't women always realize it? Because men and women are "wired" differently when it comes to the human body. The fact is, it doesn't take much visual stimulus at all for guys to become sexually aroused. The sight of the female body - even just a little bit and even if it's a complete stranger -- can trigger sexual thoughts instantly. This might be difficult for women to understand, but it's absolutely true.

How about women? My female friends tell me that, sure . . . women appreciate handsome, well-built men -- but women are not affected visually in the same intense way that men are. Women for example, find words of love, tenderness and sincere appreciation much more meaningful than physical images of men.

Given these differences, there's no question that "sexy" clothes will get a man's attention. For some women this may seem flattering or fun at first, but ultimately, it's not fulfilling because it won't attract the kind of attention -- or the man -- that a woman really wants. Why? Because it causes men to want to "use" women sexually rather than love them for who they are.

Remember, the sight of a woman's body is so powerful for men, that unless men are well trained and highly disciplined, it's difficult for them to refrain from sexual thoughts. And once these thoughts begin, they can, and frequently do, turn to impure thoughts (ie. "If only we were alone, I'd sure like to . . . ").

These thoughts are called lust, and the clothes women wear can actually trigger these thoughts in a split second. Don't be mistaken, men are responsible for their thoughts, but what women wear -- how women present themselves -- plays a major role. Dressing "sexy" is like sending an invitation to men. Sure, if a man lets his mind run wild with lust when he sees a woman, he's responsible for the thoughts he entertains. But ladies, don't you see that what you wear can be an invitation to temptation?

Why do Men see Women as Sex Objects?

Whether you know it or not, if you dress in revealing clothes, many men will see you as a "sex object." Not only that, but the way you dress can affect how men view other women as well. When women dress in "sexy" clothes, it not only promotes lustful thoughts, but it also encourages men to develop a warped vision of all women -- a view that can cause men to think of and treat all women as sex objects.

Whether it's conscious or unconscious, if you present yourself in a way that is sexually revealing, even in the slightest of ways, many men will want your body for their own sexual pleasure without regard for you as a person. Dressing this way will cause people to think of you as sexually loose. Men you meet will be constantly distracted with sexual temptations and find it hard to ever get to know you as a person. Some will verbally harass you. Others will tell you they love you -- or anything they think you want to hear -- just to get into bed with you. Still others will try to grope -- or even rape you.

Now let me be clear. No matter how a woman is dressed, it's never an excuse for rape or sexual aggression of any kind. Men who commit these acts have committed a sin and a crime. Nothing I'm saying is an excuse or a rationalization for rape or sexual assault. As a man, I'm here to tell you that men must be more disciplined. We must control our thoughts and actions no matter what temptations are presented before us.

But ladies, we need your help. Please don't be misled by women's magazines that say the only thing guys are after is sex. Don't think you've got to dress "sexy" to compete for the "good" guys. That's not true. It's guys who want to use you sexually (either in their minds or in person) that are going to encourage you to dress "sexy."

Good guys are out there and you don't have to show off your body to meet them. Be patient. Deep down inside, guys want to meet and marry girls who are pure, modest and virtuous. And what you wear tells the world a great deal about what you think about yourself. It speaks volumes about what qualities you give high priority to when it comes to relationships.

Do you want men to think of lustful thoughts when they see you? Will that attrack good men?

I know it may seem that good men are few and far between, but they are out there. And remember, the way you dress can help encourage more men to be good and treat women with respect.

Love the You Inside!

Most women want to be loved and respected for who they are inside, not for their looks. Isn't that what you want? Don't you want to be loved by a man who loves you for who you are inside? This kind of man is a sincere, pure-hearted, virtuous man -- a man who's confident, disciplined and committed to you and your relationship.

This is a man with sexual self-control. It's not a man who's looking for quick flings or lusting after every cute girl he sees.

But what role does modesty play? Katherine Kersten, commentator on National Public Radio and chairman of the Center of the American Experiment, wrote:

"But modesty is about something more -- simple fairness. We women demand respect from men, insisting that they value us not for our looks, but for 'who we are.' It is hypocritical to do this, and then dress and act immodestly -- intentionally provoking sexual desire, and signaling our easy openness to it. To act this way is to undermine our own dignity, to treat ourselves as 'sex objects.' Moreover, it is patently unfair, for it means that we are holding men to a higher standard than we hold ourselves."

Finding Lasting Love . . .

If you are seeking lasting love and a life-long marriage that unites mind, soul and body -- the best way to achieve this is by being the kind of person you want your future spouse to be. Think of yourself and your future mate as someone with integrity, a vibrant personality and a strong character. If you develop these qualities and demonstrate them through words, actions and appearance, it will help you attract the same in a spouse.

Many good men are out there -- men with wonderful personalities, men who are respectful, intelligent and looking for a long-term relationship -- men who will be faithful and committed to one wife for life. To find a truly honorable man like this, remember that he'll be attracted to a woman who dresses modestly as a sign of her purity and a sign that she recognizes each person is unique, unrepeatable and created in the image and likeness of God.

By dressing modestly, a woman sends a message to the world -- that every person was created to love and be loved in the purest of ways. Modesty also shows the great reverence we should have for our bodies and our immortal souls -- two sacred gifts that should always be treated with dignity and respect.

If you want a man to respect you, and perhaps eventually fall in love with you, then you must show him that you respect yourself and that you recognize your dignity before God. The best way to show this is through modesty in dress, words, thoughts and actions.

In closing, I want to thank all women who dress modestly. I sincerely appreciate it when a woman makes this extra effort.

I personally know several women who always dress in modest clothes. When I see them, I always try to let them know how much I appreciate their pretty, modest attire. Many of these women are very beautiful, but what makes them even more attractive than physical beauty or fashionable clothes, is the virtue of modesty which glows through their spirit. Their modesty shows thoughtfulness, inner strength and a great respect for others. Modesty also shows a pure heart and a generous desire to save oneself for a spouse (future or current).

Ladies, thank you for your modesty! It really helps us men.

(Now for the big question - What do YOUR clothes say about you?)